War

Is it good for things? No, said a famous man once, but I don't know any famous people and I think that was a song anyway. Ooh la la, dismissing things just because they were in a song. Well people don't always agree with what is in a song anyway. They just put it in because it rhymes like, I found some apples in a crate, Cuban-style communism is pretty great.

Something like that could happen and then you get called the communist guy and they throw rocks at you in school, but enough about my school days. It's time for everyone loves, comedy about war.

Private: I hear tomorrow we are to die.

Captain: Not for certain, but...well most likely.

Private: We go against their bullets! How can we hope to live? I am a man, and man is flesh and bullets are of metal, unfeeling, uncaring metal.

Captain: We can...we can only hope.

Private: Of course sorry. I forgot myself. [puts on jester hat] Who knows what time it is?

All: We don't know!

Private: Mr Jam time!

He does some juggling and stuff. He is just finished when he is shot.

Captain: My love!

Other Private: You were gay?

Captain: Um, I'm on this blog. Of course I'm gay. The writer substitutes jokes for homo.

Other Private: Oh yeah AND I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I TOO AM GAY.

Captain: I wish I was on TV.

John: Hey I wish I wrote for TV.

Captain: Look it's John. Why do you make me gay?

John: Because it's HILARIOUS.

See there was some self-deprecation there, and that's because if you can't laugh at yourself because you're a terrible writer what can you do? Nothing. Nothing is what you can do because you're a fat useless failure.

Get a job.

YO

Throw it down. This is the mad shit.

It's called stream of consciousness. It's when you write and just throw things out there. Fish. Yeah. That was for you fans of random comedy. Which I think is you know alright. Here's something else for you fans of random comedy.

KILL YOURSELVES. With them gone this party can get started properly. Because they're probably 13 years old and fucking stupid. Oooh swearing. Aren't you grown up, John.

Man in street: [throwing eggs] Take that, society!

Other guy: What are you doing?

Man in street: I'm throwing eggs at society.

Other guy: Well aren't you a part of society?

Man in street: No I just throw eggs.

Other guy: May I join you? I've always loved throwing eggs.

Man in street: That's actually the real reason I do this. I don't mind society, I just like throwing eggs.

Montage of them throwing eggs in the park. Then in the cinema, at the zoo, finally in Paris.

Other guy: Oh, Steve. I think I'm...well in love with you.

Man in Street: Nick?

Other guy: Will you marry me, Steve?

Man in Street: I think too many of these sketches end in gay marriage, Steve.

Other guy: Well cohabitation then.

There see how FUCKING FUNNY that was. You're probably FUCKING LAUGHING from all the jokes.

Except there weren't any jokes. This is a serious piece, about society. See, we all like throwing eggs, and some of us enjoy sodomy, but society is evil and needs to be destroyed.

BYE