Archipelago
A narrator. Naked except for a stripe of red paint vertically down his body.
Narrator: Tonight is a story in 5 chapters. And thrusting towards them is me.
CLOSE UP OF PENIS
Narrator: Our first land is a city, where everyone is made of hands. We go now to Palmama.
A bunch of people made of hands.
Steve: Hey, Lucy.
Lucy: [Nervous] Hey, Steve.
Steve: Wanna hold hands?
Lucy slaps Steve.
Steve: I meant your outer hands!
Lucy: Oh! I'm so sorry.
Steve: It's okay, baby.
Later.
Steve: And...and what if there are people out there that aren't hands?
Lucy: How would they hold things?
Steve: They might hold...less things.
Lucy: Steve, you're such a wonderer.
Narrator: I HOPE AT NO POINT YOU ARE FORGETTING THEY ARE MADE OF HANDS.
Lucy: Hold my hand, Steve. I'm ready.
Steve: Your outer hand or like...
Lucy: My innermost hand.
Narrator: THIS IS DISGUSTING. Actually I kind of want to see their art.
Hand-Renoir: I 'ave made this!
It's a hand turkey.
Narrator: The next island is one where everyone always agrees with each other.
Nick: Hello, Emily.
Emily: Yes.
Nick: Yes.
Emily: Yes.
Nick: Yes.
Narrator: Also, they're beings of pure light.
Arthur: Greetings, Nick.
Nick: Yes.
Emily: Yes.
Arthur: I represent greatness.
Emily: I too represent greatness.
Nick: I represent grandiosity.
Arthur: Heretic.
Nick: Yes.
Narrator: The next island is composed of old men.
Merkel: Lemon Party!
Thomas: You're a freak, Merkel.
Merkel: Skreee!
Thomas: I declare war on you!
Samuel: I declare war on you!
Steven: WAR
Stefan: On you most certainly!
Orgy.
Narrator: Here, war means sex. And lemon party means violence. I should have explained earlier. Our next land is populated by island-goers.
Bungo: Have a cocktail.
Bongo: I will have a cocktail.
Hungo: The sun is very delightful.
Jengo: Guys! We live on a peninsula. What we're doing is racist!
All: Noooooooo!
Before the discovery of the land bridge.
Setarata: This is like, an island.
Henry: Let's black up!
Setarata: Henry that's racist.
Henry: Call me Bongo, woman!
Narrator: Woah there. Lots of people live on islands and aren't brutes. Take the japanese for example. No one else wants them. HAHAHA.
Racism.
Narrator: Anyway, the next race of people hate the pope and also the islands don't all tie together I win.
Oh yeah, how you like me now? How you like me now I make you read too much?
It was painful to write and my groin hurts now.
