There is no god and I am proof.

Thursday, 29 July 2010

Short post is Short

But long post is long and today is long post. I start with a warning. This one will be long. Really fucking long. This is a challenge for myself, it is a challenge for you, but we will all come out of it stronger. I will say a prayer and then begin. You must read it all or the ending won't make any sense at all.

Archipelago
A narrator. Naked except for a stripe of red paint vertically down his body.

Narrator: Tonight is a story in 5 chapters. And thrusting towards them is me.

CLOSE UP OF PENIS

Narrator: Our first land is a city, where everyone is made of hands. We go now to Palmama.

A bunch of people made of hands.

Steve: Hey, Lucy.

Lucy: [Nervous] Hey, Steve.

Steve: Wanna hold hands?

Lucy slaps Steve.

Steve: I meant your outer hands!

Lucy: Oh! I'm so sorry.

Steve: It's okay, baby.

Later.

Steve: And...and what if there are people out there that aren't hands?

Lucy: How would they hold things?

Steve: They might hold...less things.

Lucy: Steve, you're such a wonderer.

Narrator: I HOPE AT NO POINT YOU ARE FORGETTING THEY ARE MADE OF HANDS.

Lucy: Hold my hand, Steve. I'm ready.

Steve: Your outer hand or like...

Lucy: My innermost hand.

Narrator: THIS IS DISGUSTING. Actually I kind of want to see their art.

Hand-Renoir: I 'ave made this!

It's a hand turkey.

Narrator: The next island is one where everyone always agrees with each other.

Nick: Hello, Emily.

Emily: Yes.

Nick: Yes.

Emily: Yes.

Nick: Yes.

Narrator: Also, they're beings of pure light.

Arthur: Greetings, Nick.

Nick: Yes.

Emily: Yes.

Arthur: I represent greatness.

Emily: I too represent greatness.

Nick: I represent grandiosity.

Arthur: Heretic.

Nick: Yes.

Narrator: The next island is composed of old men.

Merkel: Lemon Party!

Thomas: You're a freak, Merkel.

Merkel: Skreee!

Thomas: I declare war on you!

Samuel: I declare war on you!

Steven: WAR

Stefan: On you most certainly!

Orgy.

Narrator: Here, war means sex. And lemon party means violence. I should have explained earlier. Our next land is populated by island-goers.

Bungo: Have a cocktail.

Bongo: I will have a cocktail.

Hungo: The sun is very delightful.

Jengo: Guys! We live on a peninsula. What we're doing is racist!

All: Noooooooo!

Before the discovery of the land bridge.

Setarata: This is like, an island.

Henry: Let's black up!

Setarata: Henry that's racist.

Henry: Call me Bongo, woman!

Narrator: Woah there. Lots of people live on islands and aren't brutes. Take the japanese for example. No one else wants them. HAHAHA.

Racism.

Narrator: Anyway, the next race of people hate the pope and also the islands don't all tie together I win.


Oh yeah, how you like me now? How you like me now I make you read too much?

It was painful to write and my groin hurts now.




2 comments:

Fenghar The Nord said...

That wasn't hardly long at all and I was hoping for it to go on for more >:C

Everytime I read these I wanna make 'em into vidyas so bad but I know I can't and it makes me sad.

Apocalyptus said...

I agree with Fenghar, it was still fairly short.
I wish I had animation skills to adapt these, but unfortunately I don't.