There is no god and I am proof.

Saturday, 5 June 2010

I am Lion hear me roar

Oh man, feel the burn and what not. I just want to run and run and run forever, also my watch is fixed! And my haircut is not as shit as I thought it was!

My life is looking up except for the forthcoming exams. But then! Looking up. I might even go running in the morning even though I wake up and then don't but this time I might. Anyway you all hate this part, but you have to read it because I otherwise you can't get to the sketch. You won't be able to conceptualise it in your minds. Wait, I mean contextualise it. I am such a fuck-up.

Don't Lion Me
BUSINESS SITUATION. Because it is ripe for comedy and also that is how my idea works. A meeting has ended and people walk past James, our hero.

Kevin: Nice work, James.

Frank: Yeah, good one, James.

Jenny: Great lion, James.

James: Thanks, guys.

Herbertson: James! You get in my office right now.

James: [gulp]

Herbertson: Because that was the best damn lion I've ever seen!

James: Thank you, sir.

Herbertson: You'll go far in this business boy.

James: I appreciate the kind words, sir.


James: Your finest hookers, please.

Dr Shiny: May I ask what the occasion is?

James: I sold my first lion today.

Dr Shiny: Boy, you will get the hookers that I only spit on to clean.

James: Yes sir, no way this is going to go badly.

Orgy scene with the hookers. It will be long enough to masturbate to, because I fucking hate it when TV programs show us something sexy but it's not on long enough to do something about it. That was a joke. IT WAS

James: Thanks for that lovely sex, everyone.

Hookers: Yes! It was tops!


Herbertson: James, the lions you've been selling recently aren't very good.

James: There's a downturn-

Herbertson: Don't blow smoke up my ass, James. Don't throw dice at me hoping something'll stick. Don't giggle at my nips until I smile, James. IT AIN'T HAPPENING.

James: There's got to be someone in the lion business I can turn to.

Herbertson: I am the lion business!

James: I don't care,

Then he shoots himself, like a cool dude.

The thing I hate most about doing these is thinking of a title for both the post itself and the script proper. Two separate titles for what are the same thing in essence. Also the title for this specific post doesn't even work, because lions do roar. Oh well.

Another one for the trenches. (That means it isn't good.)


Apocalyptus said...

I promise to not judge you if you use the same title for the post and the script next time.

Fenghar The Nord said...

I promise I will judge you.