There is no god and I am proof.

Monday, 14 June 2010

It's slobbering time

I ran a lot and it hurt but now I am okay. Also I had a weird dream where I had two dicks and then I cast a spell and they fused together and then turned into steel.

Hello, ladies. This next one is of the superhero variety.

Man and Superman
An ordinary street. Of shops. Normal shops, although for legal reasons all of the shop names are misspelled slightly e.g. H&W; Argus; Berger Kong. Bret looks up at the sky.

Bret: The moon is out.

Indeed it is, Bret.

Bret: This is one mystery I'm determined to get to the bottom of.

Bret winks and gropes an attractive girl on the bum. She slaps him, rightly, and then runs off.

Bret: A sure sign! I shall become a symbol. I shall become Mr Moon!

Gus: That's names stupid!

Bret: Fuck off, Gus!

Gus: How do you know my name?

Bret: What?

Gus: I said. how do you know my name?

Bret: I can't hear you. I'm going home.

I probably should have mentioned that Gus is kind of far away. Anyway, we move to Bret working hard on his costume.

Bret: I shall strike fear into the hearts of criminals everywhere!

Pretty unlikely.

Bret: Shut up!

Pff, whatever man. We see Bret out on the town ready to patrol crime or whatever. I haven't really established his goals. We see some evil-doers.

Bret: Halt, evildoers!

Evildoers: We are victims of society. As undeveloped philosophies of how the world works increase in popularity, criminals are blamed for everything. A barbaric thirst for blood drives the reaction to crime, inadvertently increasing it. Crime starts with the individual; all people are criminals, it is just whether they are on one particular side of the legal line.

Bret: What can I do to help?

Evildoers: Fight for prisons that rehabilitate instead of punish. Help prisoners redeem themselves and give them purpose in life.

Bret: That's not very funny.

Evildoers: The truth isn't funny.

So there we have it. Anyway I'm on the side of punishing criminals harshly, you may have noticed I gave the "rehabilitation" arguments to the criminal. Should have clued you up rightways.

Oh man, also I forgot to mention Bret's costume. It was going to have the arse cut out, so he could poo more easily.

I don't like my name.

4 comments:

Fenghar The Nord said...

The butt cut out was EXACTLY what I imagined his costume to look like in my head.

Jordn said...

I like your name, man.

It's so perfectly British.

Apocalyptus said...

So is having the arse cut out of his costume the reason why he is called Mr Moon?

Jordn said...

Wouldn't that be a bit obvious?

He's clearly a closet werewolf.