There is no god and I am proof.

Monday, 9 August 2010

By My Watch It's Boombox Time

Went running. Got a stich, that hasn't happened for a while. I only got it because I ran where I would normally walk and I would normally walk because there normally isn't a group of men standing around a car looking suspicious.

Anyway, this script is based around an ad I've seen on youtube a lot and seemingly without reason.

Firm buttocks; Sexy Veil
Outside an office building. We move in to the reception and are greeted by Fiona, the head of the company.

Fiona: Hi there! If you'll just follow me, the first thing we'll be seeing is the meeting room.

The meeting room. A team of advertising exec lookalikes around a table. Greg is in charge and standing up. You could say he was large.

Fiona: The meeting's just starting.

Greg: Okay, CombiCorp want us to combine two things that you don't normally see.

Sheila: Spiderman and dildos?

Greg: Keep it clean, Sheila.

Keith: Bread and cheese.

Greg: That sounds too close to a cheese sandwich.

Keith: What if we made the cheese...the outside?

Greg: Keith, this is a company of imagineers, not sandwich rethinkers. But I like it. I'll write it down for the next time we deal with Apple. They may want more food based products.

Greg gets onto his knees and enters an ideas trance.

Greg: My mother...she always wants to go to church. What if...what if it was a different church...religion? Islam. Islam and something else...something modern....something sexy....but with computers...porn...no no no....A dating site! Yes.

Joan: An Islamic dating site! What an idea.

Greg: Okay, now how do we market it?

Keith: Adverts on youtube seems the sensible choice.

Greg: Soooo, when people watch muslim videos?

Keith: No no

Greg: Dating videos?

Keith: I think just putting them on every video would work.

Greg: Ahh, the old cartoon-yourself approach. A classic.

Sheila: What if this gets big?

Greg: I hadn't thought about that. We'll need a TV advert.

Joan: I know just the thing.

Later. Greg is presenting to CombiCorp.

Greg: I'm about to show you the advert. I think it's best to let you decipher what we came up for you based on what your customer will see.

A black screen. Suddenly a hawk is on screen and talking directly to the viewer.

Hawk: I represent the Hawk.

Turtle: I represent the Turtle.

Hawk: Die, fiend.

Turtle: I shall cower in my shell.

Hawk: Truly the hawk is more noble than the turtle.

Turtle: I cannot dispute this truth.

Narrator: EVERYBODY IS ISLAM NOW

End.

Greg: The product we came up for you...is an Islamic dating site!

Lucy: Wha-

Henry: Why did you come up with a product?

Lucy: You're a printing company. We sent you what we wanted and you were supposed to print it and ship it. Today!

Greg: We very recently changed direction and decided we hated being a printing company and would now be imagineers.

Henry: But why didn't you tell us?

Greg: We decided that we would like to keep all of the customers we accrued as a printing company, and that the easiest way was to keep our old name.

Henry: Well, what did you do with all of your printing equipment?

Greg: Oh SHIT!

The printing equipment explodes because it hasn't been turned off and has printed infinity copies of a pizza leaflet.

So, an ending with an explosion. I like it; it's dramatic. And I can see why it exploded. If I had to describe delicious pizza but was never allowed a slice, I would murder my masters via my death.



In many ways, this was an allegory for the poor, many of whom are forced to describe pizza.

3 comments:

Fenghar The Nord said...

Here's a poem

Now look who creeping look who crawling still balling in the mix
It's that six six long dick slim nigga sticking your chick
Pullin tricks looking slick at all times when I'm flipping
Bar sipping car dipping grand wood grain gripping
Still tippin' on four fours wrapped in four vogues
Pimping four hoes and I'm packing four fours
Blowing on the endo Game Cube Nintendo
Five percent tint so you can't see up in my window
These niggaz don't understand me cuz I'm Boss Hogg on candy
Top down at Maxi's wit a big glock nine handy
Pieced up creased up staying dressed to impress
Big boss belt buckle under my Mitchell and Ness
Oh, Gucci shades up on my braids when I Escalade
When I'm riding Sprewells sliding like a escapade
I got it made the big boss of the north
Ain't shit changed I still represent Swisha House

Apocalyptus said...

I have never seen these ads. I feel ripped off now.

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