There is no god and I am proof.

Sunday, 15 August 2010

Inspired by the man who sold the world

Oh man. Well, Fenghar, I tried squeezing that cat's paw again tonight. It did not go well. It tried to scratch me, so I back off and then waited for it to turn around and then sneaked up on it on tip toes. I got another squeeze in before it managed to run away, with its tail up and defiant against my paw squeezings.

So this next strip isn't inspired at all by (LIE IT IS). So I hope you don't not enjoy

Putting Out Fire With Gasoline
Night. A man is asleep in his bed. Suddenly his room glows an unearthly green. He is suddenly onboard an alien spacecraft.

Felinicus: Awaken, human.


Catzy: He seems distressed.

Felinicus: Perhaps it is our appearances, Catzy.

Catzy: Why did you use my name, Felinicus?

Felinicus: IT MATTERS NOT.

Jeff: You guyses nameses soundses likes catses.

Catzy and Felinicus are horrifying beasts. They are covered in teeth and blood and knives and skateboards and other scary things.

Catzy: MORPH

Catzy and Felinicus morph into cat-like humanoids.

Jeff: Aww you're furry.

Catzy: That is correct. Commence anal probing.

Felinicus: Unusual. The subject has a relaxed sphincter, unlike all the other sphincters we have seen in all of our probing.

Jeff: You're cats! It's adorable.

Felinicus: Commence oral probe.

Jeff: It's like I'm sucking off a cat!

The probe is very phallic. It is also black. THIS IS A METAPHOR. FUCK YOU OBAMA.

Catzy: Wipe his memory and set him down. Put metal in his head or whatever it is we do as the pastiche of alien abductors that we are.

Felinicus: Don't reference our poor writing. It'll only highlight the problem.

Later. In the city centre.

Jeff: I was kidnapped by aliens.

Liam: Yeah, sure fuckface. I guess this metal plate means I've been abducted as well, does it.

Close up of Liam's head. It has a metal plate with "Property of Alkporf IV" written on it.

Jeff: I would argue yes.

Liam: Whatever, man. I don't believe in stupid stuff like that. Anyway, do you want to buy a copy of Loose Change.

Jeff: No.



Liam: I decided to believe in aliens.

Jeff: Why?

Liam: I saw a video on youtube. [THIS IS SOCIAL COMMENTARY]


Later at the whitehouse. Jeff and Liam are there.

Jeff: And that is why we believe aliens exist.

Barack: Why are you in my bedroom?

Michelle: We are trying to have noisy sex.

Liam: I know, it was difficult to get our points heard.

Barack: Anyway, come back LATER TODAY.

Later that day.

Aide: The president is busy -

Liam: Shit.

Aide: In meetings with the aliens!


The meets.

Barack: So, you are aliens.

Catzy: My name is Catzy.

Barack: That makes sense. You look like a cat.

Felinicus: I am known by the name Felinicus.

Barack: What? That's got nothing to do with cats.

Felinicus: I am not defined by my looks.

Barack: I'M BLACK

Enter David Cameron.

Dave: Hey, chaps.

Barack: 'Sup ma nigga?

Dave: Jolly good day.

Dave shakes hands with the cat aliens.

Felinicus: Why are you squeezing my appendage?

Dave: Squish squish squish.

Jeff and Liam burst in and shoot the aliens and then themselves.

Dave: Looks like those chaps won't be starring in any scripts.

Jeff and Liam's hands twitch a bit.
The End?

Wooooo. Well there was a lot there to discuss. Like the fact that Liam represents the textile industry.



Fenghar The Nord said...

squish squish squish squish squish

Apocalyptus said...

But what about the picture where the tube gets blown into the cat's bum?

carbonstealer said...

Felinicus has everything to do with cats