There is no god and I am proof.

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

Return to Fire Island

Ha, not really. It is the return to Hand island, but before we do I have a tale to tell. Anyway, I was coming on the home straight on my run and I saw an advert at a bus stop. I think it may have been the same bus stop as I found the can of diet coke. Anyway the advert was for Cats and Dogs: the revenge of Kitty Galore. A sequel to the 2001 film, Cats and Dogs. That film wasn't very good and I highly doubt that this one will be either.

Anyway, scripty scripts.

The Mystery of Hand Island
A dark night on Hand Island. The moon shines down on the sands of the beach and the palm trees glisten with their secretive moisture. Two hand people (handy men?) meet in the dark. I won't use their names so as to add intrigue.

Steven: A secret worth keeping...

Hugo: Is a truth worth shouting.

Steven: I have news.

Hugo: Does it regard....the mystery?

Steven: Which one?

Hugo: YES

Steven: Ahaaa

Hugo: THERE ARE MANY MYSTERIES ON HAND ISLAND

Steven: Why are you shouting?

Hugo: Ahaaaa

Steven: Ahaaa

Hugo: Anyway, what did you want?

Steven: The history club is disbanded.

Hugo: Really?

Steven: Yeah, it's too expensive to rent that room.

Hugo: Shit man.

Steven: Yeah it's pretty shitty.

Hugo: See you later.

Narrator: THAT IS BUT ONE OF THE MANY MYSTERIES ON HAND ISLAND

Daytime on Hand Island.

Greg: Do you think this is my real head/hand?

Fred: Your tone suggests it isn't.

Greg: YOU WILL NEVER KNOW

Enter Cobra Man.

Cobra Man: What's going on?

Fred: Two things. One, you're a racist. Two, this guy is implying he has a fake head/hand.

Cobra Man: Ahaaa.

Narrator: ANOTHER MYSTERY

Cobra Man bites the man in the head/hand. He dies, for you see. IT WAS HIS REAL HEAD/HAND.

Narrator: One less mystery, however THERE ARE STILL INFINITE MYSTERIES.

Underground.

General Hackner: So this nuclear bomb would destroy the whole island if detonated.

Major Thrindel: Or improve the island beyond all reckoning.

Narrator: Truly, A MYSTERY

Bombs goes off, turns out it kills everyone.

A fitting end to the Hand island trilogy.


Messages for the two people who read my blog and leave comments like good readers:

Fenghar, did you know KC Green was from Oklahoma? You're from there right? That's kind of interesting.

Sarah, I don't have a message for you, but would it kill you to go on the forum more and be more appreciative of me? I'm dying.



I mean we're all dying but I got this feeling like I'm gonna do somethin' crazy

2 comments:

Fenghar The Nord said...

Note to self: End trilogies with a bang

Apocalyptus said...

Ok, I'll go get my forum on.