One time up New York Way

Well it turns out that all the disco tracks I added to my music folder (4 of them) aren't in the right format to be put on my ipod. Which sucks, because I wanted to listen to everybody dance while strutting my stuff.

Anyway, this will be the last one for a while on account of me going on holiday for three weeks tomorrow. HOWEVER, I intend to keep on writing so when I get back there will be a big fuck-off update. August will be the most updated! I'm going to beat April. It thinks it's so big with eleven updates. We'll show it, August. We'll show what a motherfucker August can be.

Canal You Dig It?

A canal boat powers along a canal at 0.5, 0.6 metres per second. Really steaming along, although probably using a diesel engine. Suddenly the boat rocks. Neville comes uptop.

Neville: What's going on?

Scott: I think some Joker's going too fast. And they're coming towards us!

Quickly, Neville jumps on the steering stick and hits it hard to starboard. The canal boat is safe up against the bank. A speed boat drives past at astonishing speed. Arthur and the Colonel are aboard.

Colonel: We've got him now, Arthur.

Arthur: Too right, Colonel.

Their speed boat is catching up on another, black, speedboat. Suddenly the black speedboat releases oil out of a hatch on its stern.

Arthur: Put on the brakes, Colonel!

Colonel: No need, Arthur. For you see, water and oil DON'T MIX.

Aboard the black speedboat.

Arthur: Look at all these drugs, Colonel.

Colonel: It's more drugs than I've ever seen.

Karif: Me and my lackeys were going to sell them. For money.

Colonel: [Squatting down in front of the tied up Karif] Dirty money, Karif.

Karif: No dirtier than you!

Colonel: Or you!

Colonel pushes Karif in the canal.

Arthur: Will he be able to swim with those ropes on?

Colonel: Shiiiiiit.

Later in the police chief's office.

Chief Roberts: The public are gonna tear you up, Colonel.

Colonel: Will they, Colonel? What if they found out that it was actually a young, inexperienced officer who pushes that man in the canal?

Arthur: But who?

Colonel pushes Arthur into the canal.

Arthur: Nooooooooooo [bubble]

Chief Roberts: You're a bad egg, Colonel.

Colonel: I'm a complex character.

Chief Roberts: I don't know whether I want to kiss you or push you in the canal.

Colonel: Let me make that choice for you.

Colonel pushes Chief Roberts into the canal.

Chief Roberts: Colonel, you ass! I was five seconds 'til retirement.

Colonel: Should have thought of that before you started harshing my vibe.

Colonel zips off on his jetski.

So, a lot of complex characters and fuck you they don't all have to be gold.

You hear me? Sometimes they can be about a very complicated man. A man who doesn't care about rules and regulations. The canal is the only place for such a man. On the open canal.