NEWS SO MUCH NEWS IT BLEEDS

Anyway, got back from my run, wearing shorts that were too short. How could they be too short? Short enough that my inside thigh was rubbing together and burning? Yes I guess that would be too short. So I decided to make up for this by announcing that I will be updating daily. And I do mean that, so expect a large drop in quality as I desperately try to fill space.

This next sketch is about plastic surgeons.

Is Plastic Fantastic?

We open in the middle of a documentary style program, only because it helps me skip to the funny bits quicker. Matt the cosmetic surgeon is sitting on a chair being interviewed. Tina, the interviewer, is out of shot.

Matt: I'm the best plastic surgeon in the world. I made you into a woman.

Tina: I've always been a woman.

Matt: You'd think so. I'm the best.

Two surgeons are having a plastic surgery fight. After each body part is mentioned, it is shown on the surgeons.

Andrew: I gave you breasts.

Liam: So? I made your hands lobster claws.

Andrew: Whatever. I gave you a vagina-

Liam: Uh, I've still got a penis.

Andrew: I gave you a vagina instead of an anus.

Liam: So? I gave you my heart.

Andrew: Can I do you in the vagina/anus?

Liam: What else is it for?

Andrew: Are you on birth control?

Liam: What?

Andrew: That's a real vagina.

Cut to 9 months later and in a hospital.

Andrew: Just one more push!

So there we go, a beautiful tale about people that change people's profile pics sorry I mean faces. And bodies. A noble profession indeed.

Sex you later! (That's future-talk for goodbye. BACK ME UP ON THIS)