Completely in Mourning, Asshole

So, went for my run. Saw two rabbits. Unfazed by my talking, they carried on their shenanigans. Sexiest rabbits I have ever seen.

The Devil's Greatest Lie
A TV channel.

Announcer: Welcome back to the Atheism channel. Up next is the ever popular, Bible Contradictions.

Titles of Bible Contradictions. Two hosts, Bernard and Heretica, are sitting in their couches.

Heretica: Hello, welcome to Bible Contradictions.

Bernard: BIBLE CONTRADICTION NUMBER ONE!

Heretica: Genesis states that it is a sin to "spill thy seed on the ground".

Bernard: Earlier, IN THE SAME BOOK, it is said that the human race is made out of dust.

Heretica: AN OBVIOUS CONTRADICTION.

Pleasing jazz music.

Bernard: BIBLE CONTRADICTION NUMBER TWO!

Heretica: The book of Matthew states that Jesus was raised from the dead.

Bernard: But later, IN THE SAME BOOK, it is said that Jesus was resurrected from the dead.

Heretica: Which is it? Get your story straight before you try to vomit it in our faces!

Pleasant jazz music.

Bernard: BIBLE CONTRADICTION NUMBER THREE

Heretica: The Bible says that Jesus is the son of god.

Bernard: BUT USING THE VERY SAME METHOD OF WRITING, the Qur'an says he is a prophet of god.

Heretica: Which is it?

Bernard: SORT IT OUT RELIGIONISTS.

They are both struck by lightning.

Remember when I wrote comedy sketches?

Those were good times.