There is no god and I am proof.

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Ain't nothing crazy 'bout me

So, two updates in one day. What am I? Crazy?

No, just disappointed enough in the first one to do another one, but not disappointed enough to take that one off.

ARCHIVE REASONS NOT LAZINESS.

The Letter
We join our heroes in the kitchen.

Ted: I just got this letter in the post.

Gillian: Yeah, me too. With the blue stripe?

Francis: Blue stripe? Yeah, that sounds like a letter I got as well.

Ted: Mine just said that I was a "Category T".

Gillian: Yeah, I'm a Category T.

Francis: I'm a Category F.

Ted: Well we won't treat you any different.

Gillian: Of course not.

Ted: [joking] You dirty Category F!

Francis: Ha.

Ted: Ha.

Later. Ted and Gillian are meeting alone.

Ted: I think Francis should move out.

Gillian: Agreed. She's being horrible to me. I can't connect to her. You know, emotionally.

Ted: That is how you women connect to each other.

Gillian: Why don't you like her?

Ted: She leaves the toilet seat half-way up. Like in between. So I can't see it because it's side-on.

Gillian: Yeah?

Ted: And then I get impaled on it.

Gillian: How are we going to tell her to leave?

Ted: Those letters we got this morning? She was a Category F.

Gillian: I see...maybe they can't live with "Category T"s?

Ted: We could put an advert on TV.

Gillian: Nice!

Meanwhile a boardroom meeting.

Mr. Glen: How is the ad campaign going?

Hulio: We sent out a bunch of letters saying that people were Category T or F.

Mr. Glen: So...

Hulio: Basically, they will have to buy different gums. People love being part of a gang.

Mr. Glen: Brilliant!

Another household

Fred: But, why do I have to leave?

George: Didn't you see the advert? It's illegal for you to stay here. You're a Category F.

Fred: This isn't fair.

George: It's for the best.

THE NEWS

Newsreader: Riots in central London between Category Ts and Fs. The government launched an investigation into who started this shi-

Channel Announcer: We apologise for the language used in the preceding program. But what do you expect from a dirty Category F.

Boardroom

Mr. Glen: Was this our idea?

Hulio: I'll say it was Ben.

Mr. Glen: Who's Ben?

Hulio winks.

Mr. Glen: Is this the same Ben who raped that girl?

Hulio winks.

Mr. Glen: The same Ben as broke into my house?

Hulio: You should take this up with Ben.

Enter Ben.

Ben: Hey.

So there we go, some hilarious comedy there. Perhaps it was long-winded. Perhaps it works better as a story to be told.

Perhaps, just perhaps we need to trust our instincts and fuck my inside knee hurts.
Like really hurts.

JESUS SAVE YOU

3 comments:

Fenghar The Nord said...

I fucking love these. God damn.

Apocalyptus said...

Will you marry me please?

Unless you're a category F.

John said...

I ain't no category F.