There is no god and I am proof.

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Could you stop crying please?

Adam: Please. You're scaring the lemurs.

Amy: I can't help it.

Adam: Really? Because you could know. Stop.

Amy: It's a disease. I cry all the time, except when I would normally cry.

Adam: How did you catch it? Is it like a sex thin-

Amy: No

Adam: So how

Amy: It's a sex thing.

Adam: Oh shit do I have it now?

Amy: But we haven't had sex.

Adam: Haven't we?

Turns out they have, because all this time we've been doing close-ups on their faces and it turns out they were fucking!


Superhero Tiem lololol deliberate typo

Window man was just an ordinary window salesmen, until one day he was attacked by bees. He died later that day from the bee attack.

But the time-frame which we are discussing is not later that day. We are discussing mid afternoon, where his delusions taught him to think he was at the height of his power, when in fact he was in a coma. I may have just revealed the ending but if you could forget that I had that would be just great.

Window-Man: I...I saw him die. He fell off the bridge just as I was crossing. I could have saved him.

Emma: How, Window-Man? How could you have saved him? Your powers are not that strong!

Window-Man: Aren't they? [He kills Emma to demonstrate his power] Noooooo what have I done? How truly ironic.

Enter Bees

Window-Man: Fuck you bees! [He opens up a window into the soul of the bees and they see that the true enemies are themselves. They proceed to sting each other] Fuckin' bees.

Window-Man begins to patrol the town, searching for crime to prevent. Then a man made of infinity wanders in and destroys Window-Man.


or was it?....

Monday, 1 February 2010

Race Car Drivers

Listen this one we're just gonna roll with it. We're gonna take a smooth dive and also I'm going to start regularly updating proppers and that.

Zoom! A formula one car drives past. Followed by several more, but they're not as loud as the first one because they're not as good drives as "RACER COOL". Who is Racer Cool?

No one knows.

Anyway, Racer Cool and his car go past the finish line, he does a lap of honour and then gets out of his car. He gets on a waiting motorbike and arrives at a posh party. He takes off his racing clothes and he is wearing a tuxedo. He takes off his helmet for the first time and we see that it is the Prime Minister, but we don't know this because no one has called him it yet, but just wait and it will happen. He goes inside.

Party-man: Hello, Mr Prime Minister. Or should I say Tom?

Tom: Yeah, call me Tom.

Party-man: We were just watching the racing. Racer Cool won again. If only we knew who he was.

Tom: If only. [Takes off his shades. He's wearing shades by the way, but not now.]

Party-man: Yeaaaaaah. Would you like a er-

Tom: I already ate.

Party-man: Good-good. [long pause] What did you have?

Tom: Humble pie.

The Who play like in CSI.

Party-man: Does that mean you're humble? I thought that phrase means you got something wrong.

Tom: I couldn't really think of a cool food right then and there.

Party-man: That's uh...yep, coming!

Tom: [Looking at the viewer] No one called him. [A tear rolls down his cheek]

Well that's that. It's been a while since I wrote a script as I went like that, and I'm pretty sure they're of a better quality when I think of them first. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed because otherwise you are closer to death, but not really because a couple of minutes here or there hasn't done anything, and if you hadn't read this perhaps you would have been run over by a bus, but now that you have read it the bus has already gone past.

I just saved your life.