Mary Sue? OH NO I HATE LITIGATION

So, it rained for four days. It's July. IT'S JULY!!!

Which means I can't run because running in the rain isn't a fun experience, i.e. I get cold. Anyway, this is based on an idea I had a long time ago.

Script

Meeting room. Writers and producers are meeting.

John: So, you've read the script, any notes?

Mr Blah: Scene 2.

John: Yes, the scene with an attractive lady.

Mr Bluh: Do you mind if we read it out.

John: Not at all.

Mr Bleh: *Ahem*

"John: Hello, Sophie.

Sophie: Why hello, John. What a...pleasant surprise.

John: Yes it is. And it's good that this isn't a tv show.

Sophie: No no, this isn't a tv show. This is real life that is being recorded.

John: And we're going to have sex.

Sophie: Yes we are, because you're so good at sex. "

Mr Bloh: This scene continues for 10 pages.

John: I think it's important for the viewer to realise that I am literally and truly having sex with this woman.

Mr Blaaaa: You said you were gay!

John: Yes I...er...that is to say, yes. I did say that. Because I meant it. I love penises?

Mr Bleeen: John. It's peni.

John: NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mr Blup: We can't have someone who isn't gay working in television. NOW GET OUT

John: I'm writing about this in my blog.

None of that actually happened, except for the scene with all the sex. That's autobiographical. (THAT MEANS IT'S TRUE)

Also, fenghar if you're reading this, I would like to move the recording session either forward or back an hour.

Could you stop crying please?

Adam: Please. You're scaring the lemurs.

Amy: I can't help it.

Adam: Really? Because you could just...you know. Stop.

Amy: It's a disease. I cry all the time, except when I would normally cry.

Adam: How did you catch it? Is it like a sex thin-

Amy: No

Adam: So how

Amy: It's a sex thing.

Adam: Oh shit do I have it now?

Amy: But we haven't had sex.

Adam: Haven't we?

Turns out they have, because all this time we've been doing close-ups on their faces and it turns out they were fucking!

BLOWS YOUR FUCKING MIND

Super Slash Fic

Captain Picard enters the room. He looks pissed, but in the angry sense, not the drunk sense.

Riker: Hey, man. What's up?

He holds out his hand as if for a hi-5. They do, but Riker holds on for a bit too long.

Picard: I'm just so angry. The aliens aren't co-operating.

Riker: I know a cure.

They kiss, and then Picard starts to do Riker in the bum. You can imagine this sequence yourself I reckon, so we'll just skip to the end of the encounter.

Picard: Man that was some good sex.

Riker: Yes.

I think I am pretty good at writing gay fan fic as you have just seen. I didn't really watch Star Trek that much so who knows what I could do if I was more familiar with the characters?

Anyway I reckon this blog is getting more updates, because writing is for cool guys, unlike unemployment which is for people who can't find a job.