There is no god and I am proof.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

So This is a story all about how

First things first, this is an experiment. For all the weekdays of this week I will be writing a heavily fictionalised account from my own life. Maybe you'll get a whimsical script thrown in amongst these drowdy and laden pieces, but don't expect to much.

Realism, my friends, is the name of the game.

Like Common People
John is in the Common Room, taking a break between lessons.

John: Hey Stevie, where you going with that pizza?

Stevie: I can't talk now, I've got two dates ON THE SAME NIGHT

Josh: We should be getting back to further maths, John. Break is almost over.

John: Okay, we'll walk round the front way, like normal. The school is set out so that there is a car park out front and a field in the back and the sixth formers can walk through the car park while the rest of the students walk around the field.

Josh: Why did you just tell me that?

John winks.

Josh: No, John let's not go the front way, Mr Williams, the balding ugly man who probably dwells on what he used to be has said not to go round that way.

John: Haha, I'm not scared off balding Mr Williams, he is but a pathetic hulk of the former man he used to be once upon a time but no longer any more.

John and Josh approach the door that leads to the car park. Enter Mr Williams.

Mr Williams: Hey, John. Just to let you know, you can't go round the front way anymore.

Mr William's voice is incredibly embarrassing for everyone involved.

John: Can't I?

Mr Williams is incredibly hideous.

John: Maybe if I greased your palm with some money?

John is being cool, he knows he could crush Mr Williams in an instant. He is young and fit whilst Mr Williams is a balding, decrepit old man. John is young and full of vitality.

Mr Williams: My ethics are so weak that I do not understand what is currently happening. If I were a stronger man I would take you up on your bribe, that is how pitiful I am.

John: I guess you are self-aware, that could be good.

Mr Williams: Let me taste your young flesh, John.

John doesn't lose his cool, but instead bends down so he is at the same level as Mr Williams, for John is very tall, but Mr Williams is incredibly diminutive.

John: No.

John destroys Mr Williams with his brilliance and steps over his husk and walks to lesson the front way.

Josh: Can I suckle on your penis, John?

John: Of course, Josh, it is a Monday after all.

1 comment:

Apocalyptus said...

This describes exactly my Secondary School experience.