It's totally hilarious

A band is on stage. They are about to start playing. The manager is up there and is about to introduce them.

Manager: May I present...the John Wayne Experiment!

Frontman: We're not called that anymore.

Manager: What?

Frontman: We're not called that anymore.

Manger: What are you called, then?

Frontman: We haven't decided yet.

Keyboard player runs up and takes the mike.

Keyboard: I've decided, we're called the Dead President's Society!

Crowd cheers.

Frontman: I've told you we're not called that!

Keyboard: And I've told you, we are!

They scuffle, manager breaks it up.

Manager: Does it really matter what you're called?

Frontman: Actually, yes. Yes it does matter, because we're called Club Armstrong.

Manager: No, you're not.

Frontman: Why not?

Keyboard: Cause we're not poofters that's why not!

Manager: I won't have homophobia in this band!

Keyboard: Oh yeah, and who's going to stop me? Your boyfriend?

Manager: Clarence is a pacifist and you know that!

Keyboard: Sorry. I overstepped the mark.

Manager: Yes. Well.

They look at the floor. Shot of the crowd looking confused.

Manager: Will you accept a hug from an old homosexual?

Frontman: I...I think we'd all like that.

They all hug.

Right, that was a proper script. I've proved to myself that I can still write and that's good. I actually thought that bump on the head had made me not be creative anymore. Or creative in a different way.

I have no fears except of people lurking around my house.

A Drama

This is part of the Foot Theatre thing, but if that falls through it's still usable as a script.

Janice: But, RICKY!

Ricky: But nothing, Janice. I'm going.

Janice: RICKY! Don't go. Don't go RICKY!

Ricky: I'm sorry, Janice, I'm sorry. But we all gotta go sometime. My times now.

Janice: You think that Ricky, but I know you feel different. 

Ricky: Janice, I love you.

Janice: Then why don't you stay?

Ricky: I...love another woman...yeah that'll do.

Janice: But...but why?

Ricky: I know it, Janice. I know it.

Steven: Hello chaps!

Ricky: Fuck off, Steven.

Janice: Yeah, Steven.

Exit Steven.

Ricky: What a nob.

Janice: What were you saying?

Ricky: I was saying Janice...that I love you!

Janice: Oh, RICKY!

Burn the World!

Alright, Burn the World! is my new show for kids featuring Terry the tuna and Terri the tuna. One is a boy and the other is a girl.

Terry: Hey kids, welcome to the show.

Terri: Today we'll be talking about arson!

Terry: Don't we talk about that every week?

They laugh.

Terri: Yeah, we do. Now give me a kiss.

They kiss.

Terry: Nice kiss, sis!

Terri: Thanks. Today's show we'll be talking about petrol and how it can be used to invoke that most primeval of instincts, fire.

Terry: You can find petrol  at a lot of places but today we'll be concentrating on stealing it from a petrol station.

Terri: Now to do this you will need:

Screen is replaced with a blue background and items pop up when they are mentioned.

Terri: A bucket.

Terry: Hands.

Terri: A scape-goat.

Terry: A petrol station. You can usually find them with the help of some sort of map.

Screen goes back to Terry and Terri.

Terri: Once you've got your ingredients you'll need to go your petrol station. Calmly place the bucket under the nozzle and press it in. At this point you'll want to hide a bit and put your scape goat in clear view.

Terry: And you're done. You've gathered your petrol. Tune in next week and we'll be showing you the petrol bomb. Bye kids, and remember...

Terri and Terry: Burn the world!

A bit of LIGHT Entertainment

Along comes John, in his uppity thespian ways, writing his first proper thing for YouTube.

John: Oh, a light turned on in the middle of the day.

Turns it off.

John: It was probably a mistake.

Scene 2 In  Which John finds a second light turned on

John: I'll just turn this off.

Turns it off.

John: Maybe they forgot about the global energy crisis.

Scene 3

John turns off a light

John: It could be a different person.

Scene 4

John: Why is it on now?

Turns it off.

John: What purpose does it serve? It gives out no light.

Scene 5

Turns off a light.

John: It's the middle of Summer. The only time people need this light is if they happen to be making breakfast at 1 o clock in the morning.

Scene 6 At the Dinner Table

John: So, whoever is torturing me like this, can you please stop? I'm finding it very hard to sleep knowing energy is being wasted.

Sarah: Actually, I've been wondering who it is as well. I think we can all agree not to turn it on again.

Scene 7

Comes across a light turned on.

John: Just stop! I don't care who it is, just stop turning the light on! I'm losing my mind!

He kneels down.

John: Why!? Why would someone do this?!

He begins to weep, but in the middle of it, turns off the light.

Scene 8

John: Okay. I'll turn this off and wait. We'll see who keeps turning the light on.

Scene 9

Someone is scuttering about near the light switch. John wakes up behind the futon.

John: What? Who's there?

Goblin: It is me, the Goblin that wastes Electricity.

John: More like the Goblin of being a bender.

John hits the goblin with the halberd.

John: [turns to camera] Don't be a Goblin Bender. Turn off the light.